32 | Akwa | December 2022 / January 2023 / February 2023 thing that occurs to us to say is, "Calm down, don't cry.” How often does the other person respond with the follow- ing? "Oh! I didn't realize that; thank you. I'll stop crying right now. What a great idea; I hadn't thought of that. From now on, I will stop crying." Surely this response seems absurd, yet we are surprised when the “motivational” messages to our potential exercise clients do not yield the desired results. As if saying a simple "get up off the couch and start training" would do any good for a person who has been sedentary for 30 years. Or saying, "come and train and stop being overweight," will motivate that person with weight concerns. Do we genuinely believe that they had never thought of these options? I am sure many of these individuals have tried on one or more occasions without success, just as they may have tried diets or "mira- cle" food supplements. The key is to think about the pressure people already feel – feelings of shame, embarrassment, or even fear of the activ- ity – and stop focusing on the problem. Instead, focus on improving empathy and try to better understand and truly help these individuals. Agreed, empathy is a complex and very broad concept that refers to an individual's cognitive and emotional responses to the observed experiences of others. Having empathy increases the likelihood of helping others and showing com- passion. According to the Greater Good Science Center, a research institute that studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, "Empathy is a key component of morality; for people to follow the Golden Rule, it helps if they can put themselves in another person's shoes. It is also an important component of successful relationships because it allows us to understand the perspectives, needs, and inten- tions of others." Although they may seem the same, there is a clear difference between empathy and sympathy. "Empathy is often defined as understanding another person's experience by imagining oneself in that other person's situation: one understands the other person's experience as if it were being experienced by the self, even though the self is actually experiencing it," writes Hodges and Myers in the Encyclopedia of Social Psychology. The distinction between self and other is main- tained. Sympathy, on the other hand, is defined as "The experience of being moved by or responding in tune with another person." In many situations, we are sympathetic, but we are not empathetic. We must understand how difficult it can be to get motivated to exercise. It is not always easy, espe- cially when you feel poorly about yourself. It has happened to all of us. At some point in our lives, we have stopped being motivated to study, exercise, maintain healthy eating habits, attend social events, etc. And in addition to feeling guilty about stopping that activity, we "add fuel to the fire" by blaming ourselves for making that decision. So, we feel guilty twice! These feelings do not go away easily, but they will fade over time if we let them be, without pushing them away or ignor- ing them altogether. The key is to ask for help and let some- one else (someone who cares) know what you need from them. If you don't ask for help, there may never be an oppor- tunity for another person to help you because they won't see the importance of their support. We all have different backgrounds, motivations, and expe- riences (both good and bad). Sometimes it's not as much about the end goal but about developing your full potential along the way. For example, you may think, "I don't want to be perfect. I want to be healthy and fit, but I'm not very good with my diet right now." You're right. You don't have to be perfect to take a step toward achieving your goal. The key is that you can keep making progress even if you're not 100% yet (or even close.) You might have gone from being at 10% to 11%; there is the achievement! If this sounds familiar, it's because most of us have been through the same thing. We know how difficult it can be to have other people telling us what we should do instead of giving us honest feedback about our situation and the steps needed to make progress. That's why empathy has become an important part of helping others stay motivated and realize their full potential. We must understand that working with our client's capabilities is better than with their limitations. Plus, we must make them see what they can do rather than focus on what they cannot do. They already know their reality, which creates pressure and often embarrassment and/or fear. The help that we have needed ourselves at some point in our lives is what our clients need. Whether it's an aquatic fitness class or something more serious, our experience will be different than someone else's. As professionals, we must find the way that works for us, and we must also find the way that works for our clients. Motivation and empathy should be used to guide clients to avoid certain attitudes and supposed stimuli of "punishment" for what they do or don't do, which instead of solving the problem, exacerbates the problem. We must help them see their potential, daily improvement, and changes (that ini- tially will be more attitudinal than physical) to improve their self-worth and self-confidence. Let us learn to listen and, above all, to understand what our clients say, what they do not say, and maybe, most impor- tantly, what they say "between the lines." n Author Javier Bergas, BS, is a primary school teacher, Interna- tional AEA Training Specialist, AEA AFAP/AFEP Program Leader Trainer, and the product manager of Ego Well- ness Resort in Lucca, Italy and MirandaGym in Majorca, Spain. He is an aquatic fitness and swimming instructor for various populations. To learn more, contact Javier by email ([email protected]), visit his website (https://javier bergas.com) or connect via social media (Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, or Twitter - javier.bergas).
